Without Interpretation

You’re having a meeting with a colleague and you notice that he’s staring out the window. What’s your first thought? If you’re like most people, it’s, “He’s not listening” This is an interpretation of what we see.

After interpreting, we apply intention, make assumptions, and judge the individual. We build a case against him and our emotions take over. We get upset. We make it about us. It becomes personal.

This is dangerous because 99.9% of the time we’ll be wrong! We may be misinterpreting what we see. We can’t tell what’s going on inside the person. We don’t know their feelings or their concerns. The skill is to acknowledge what we see, without interpretation, and ask about concerns. We want to take their side and keep focused on them.

The next time you’re talking to someone and you get frustrated by something they are doing - stop! Don’t make it personal. Recognize that the other person may be struggling with a doubt or concern. Ask them about it and then listen. Keep the focus on them.