Follow Me - "Follow" suggests a direction

Leadership is about influencing others to follow them. Followers are more likely to follow if they know the Leader has a direction. Followers want assurance that  leaders know where they are going. When you explain your direction use simple descriptive words. Watch out for jargon!

Avoid getting bogged down with words like destiny, strategic intent, vision, purpose, goal, mission, etc. Ask yourself, “Where am I going? What am I doing? Why is it important to me, to others?” You might be surprised how clear that will be. Let me know.

Next time – “Follow -as a command”

Follow Me!

“Give us leadership!” The age-old cry. “We want new, better, empowered, engaged, 21^st century, or authentic leadership!” Take your pick. Over the last 50 years, business and academics have spent billions on “leadership development.” Our current leaders are the results of that effort. How difficult is it to develop leaders?

To me, two words, “Follow Me,” are the heart of all leadership. It’s what’s in the leader’s heart that makes the difference. These two words, “Follow Me” are powerful and for the next few posts, we’ll explore them.

For the next post -“Follow suggests a direction.”

Without Interpretation

You’re having a meeting with a colleague and you notice that he’s staring out the window. What’s your first thought? If you’re like most people, it’s, “He’s not listening” This is an interpretation of what we see.

After interpreting, we apply intention, make assumptions, and judge the individual. We build a case against him and our emotions take over. We get upset. We make it about us. It becomes personal.

This is dangerous because 99.9% of the time we’ll be wrong! We may be misinterpreting what we see. We can’t tell what’s going on inside the person. We don’t know their feelings or their concerns. The skill is to acknowledge what we see, without interpretation, and ask about concerns. We want to take their side and keep focused on them.

The next time you’re talking to someone and you get frustrated by something they are doing - stop! Don’t make it personal. Recognize that the other person may be struggling with a doubt or concern. Ask them about it and then listen. Keep the focus on them.

Give us the recipe!

People want the recipe for situations. They want the “how to” list of things to do. “If I follow the recipe, I will get good, consistent results.” is a common belief. Unfortunately, listening is not like that. It’s more like sailing.

You never sail the same body of water twice. Things change, the currents, the wind, temperatures, what’s in the water, etc. all will change. When you’re sailing you have to pay attention to what’s going on around you. You must be “in the moment.”

Listening is like that too. You need to be in the moment, focused on what the other person is saying. It’s not a time to be planning a rebuttal or thinking about what to have for dinner. You need to be watching for the tell-tails, the signs like tones, body language, the emotions that come from the other person.

Once you see these, you can respond simply by acknowledging what you see and hear. This simple skill goes a long way to creating trust. Try it.  

Talking To People

We spend most of our time talking to people, individually and collectively. If we talk to an individual, it’s called a conversation! What we talk about, changes the nature of conversation.

For example, if I talk to an individual, about social events, exchange pleasantries, or catch up on things it’s called small talk. When I talk to an individual to help them with a situation (or to get help), it’s called advising, consulting, coaching, or mentoring.

If I talk to more than one person, it’s called a meeting! Why we’re meeting changes nature that conversation. For example, if I talk to more than one person,

to influence them to follow me, it’s called leadership

to convince them to buy from me, it’s called selling

to exchange ideas, it’s called a small group

to guide them through a process, it’s called facilitation

to help them learn, it’s called training

to lay out a course of action, it’s called planning

to tell them about something, it’s called a presentation

to inspire them, it’s called motivation

to work together to achieve a common goal, it’s called team building

to implement a program, it’s called project management

to find a solution to something that needs fixing, it’s called problem solving

to develop something new or different for the future, it’s called creativity and innovation

about how they are working together, it’s called conflict resolution

to inspire them about something spiritual, it’s called preaching

No matter what I call it, when I talk with people the subject may change but the fundamentals of conversations are the same. Conversations build relationships, exchange ideas and thoughts, produce results, resolve differences, and honor each other’s feelings. How are your conversations going?

Questions Shift Ownership

Ask yourself: “Who owns this situation?” (By the way, this isn’t just for business. Try this with your teenage sons and daughters. The power struggle gets unplugged.)


If I tell someone what to do, I own it - and the outcome. They are living out my wishes.
If you ask instead, ‘What do you plan to do?’ the ownership is on the other person. Their decisions will determine their outcomes.


In too many conversations, we shift the ownership to ourselves by telling others what they need to do. They comply with our instructions, but do not commit, because we keep the ownership. This is another reason not to give recommendations too soon. If I supply the answers, I have not given the other person the creative experience of developing their own solutions.


Questions encourage people to commit not just comply.


Lessons from “The Listener”

Giving Advice or Recommendations

Listening means withholding advice and recommendations. In fact, waiting is the best thing we can do.  Giving advice too soon is dangerous. Early in the conversation, when you have limited data, your advice may be wrong. It may also make the other person feel stupid. Then they may withdraw from the conversation and become passive.   

Your responses should keep the focus on the other person, not on you, or what you think.  The longer you allow the conversation to stay on them, the deeper the communication will go. This is how trust is created. When you create an atmosphere of safety by letting the other person roam through their dilemma with you, you are building a good relationship.

Lessons from “The Listener”

A Basic Conversation

Chris talks and you listen. Then, you say something back and Chris listens.

That is the basic communication cycle. It seems simple, but there is a lot going on. What is your body language saying?  What tones are you using?  What words are you choosing?

All three – body language, tones, and words convey a message. Your message may be a logical response carrying data and information. But even if it is, it can still carry emotional reactions, such as doubts, concerns, or expectations.

Suppose Chris tells you he’s concerned about the quarterly reports.

When you respond to what Chris says, You can do five things with your answer. Four of them aren’t good; they could damage the relationship and trust.

What would be your typical reaction to a co-worker’s concerns? 

Lessons from The Listener

The Power of Questions

Questions are impactful yet under-used tools. They can raise issues and shift thinking faster than any business case will. Have you noticed that many times having a great business case with all the advantages and benefits doesn’t work? You end up doing a point and counterpoint, often resulting in frustration for both sides and you wondering why they don’t get it!

A question like, “What might you be risking if you do this?” or “What are your concerns about this?”  may promote thinking and open new possibilities.

Lessons from "The Listener"