Give us the recipe!

People want the recipe for situations. They want the “how to” list of things to do. “If I follow the recipe, I will get good, consistent results.” is a common belief. Unfortunately, listening is not like that. It’s more like sailing.

You never sail the same body of water twice. Things change, the currents, the wind, temperatures, what’s in the water, etc. all will change. When you’re sailing you have to pay attention to what’s going on around you. You must be “in the moment.”

Listening is like that too. You need to be in the moment, focused on what the other person is saying. It’s not a time to be planning a rebuttal or thinking about what to have for dinner. You need to be watching for the tell-tails, the signs like tones, body language, the emotions that come from the other person.

Once you see these, you can respond simply by acknowledging what you see and hear. This simple skill goes a long way to creating trust. Try it.